Happy Meals vs. Zen: Battle Royale

Ah, Christmas is but upon us again; seems like just yesterday I was chucking old toys to make way for new ones. Oh, just who do I think I am I kidding, I have kids: we do not chuck. We keep every modicum of toy accouterments that grace our presence. We even keep McDonalds and Jack-In-The-Box toys, those cheap plastic worthless things we trip over (expletives added *^ #$ %!) and bruise our bare feet on whilst readying our kids for bed.

Why we keep those things is beyond me...never once did the toys from a fast food restaurant last longer than it took my kids to devour their “happy meals”. That should be a clear sign to launch those puppies in the trash before the kids turn back and find reason to fight over them. Lord, can you imagine, fighting over those contemptible little pieces of work! Ok, Ok. Some of them are cute and worth collecting, but the others, Lord, help me. See, there is the difference...that line: the one that determines which toys are worth keeping, and which toys demand tossing. It is really a crapshoot if you ask me.

Nevertheless, the trick is to wait for the kids to turn their heads for a fraction of a second while you pilfer them away to nomad’s land. There you can quickly hold a private funeral for them in your 32-gallon trash bag. Yes, because that is what it takes to get rid of all of those wonderful pieces of work: A HUGE BAG for burial.

Once, admittedly, we had two trash bags full of fast-food toys. OK. That is just far too much fast food for two families. Granted, life was rather hectic for a while, but still, far, far too much fast food going on there. (OK, and remember, here is where it becomes apparent I was not lying about the lack of toy chuck-ability...so give me a break here...)

I think I would like to simply take back the unopened happy meal toys and ask for some useful items in their stead. Such as pencils or pens, perhaps some colorful Post-It pads...anything that we can use for something better than weapons of mass destruction that wind up being hurled across the room at just the right rate of speed as to cause a concussion should it land on the wrong target. Or the right target depending on the person who launched it and how good his or her aim actually was.

Ah, but alas, back to the whole idea of cleansing and purifying our rooms of clutter and unused belongings. What is it so hard about throwing away things we do not use? I mean really. Do we really need every space in our tiny little lives so cluttered with useless items that we cannot see past our own desire to accumulate? Do we really need to hang on or is it simply getting past the idea that we may need it someday? You know, I'd rather live without those items and know that somewhere along the line in the future, I might be able to accumulate some big ticket items that actually hold some real value to me and my life.

I think I just tripped over, quite literally at times, my new, New Year's Resolution: Teach my kids how to toss, toss, and toss some more! Maybe when we rid our lives of the junk, we will actually find way to get to life’s valuable items a bit easier. Imagine that, a clear shot across the room at bedtime--without half-killing myself on scattered toys--to kiss my kids goodnight. Hmmm, I could really buy into that concept.

Zen never looked so good....